Staying Present

Uncertainty has been weighing heavy on me lately. As I went to compose these words, I wondered how I would phrase it, but the best place to speak from is that human space. The virus is not what has been plaguing my mind; please forgive my poor choice of words; it is all the repercussions. There has already been the immediate fallout of simply re-adjusting to dynamics of living in close quarters for extended periods, and the hyper-vigilance that comes with an ever-changing situation. There is, of course, the morbid desire to check the information because you want it to be over. Then the countless opinions that contradict inflame and drive fear all at once. Where is the truth in all of this?

I have a small business, a child in college who came home early, another one in private school for special needs, and my primary source of income is the bodywork. People are being told to not touch other people; they are afraid to leave their homes, they are afraid to run out of supplies, there are mixed reports of numbers, there is anger and fear. I am not immune to any of it. The world feels so big, one person feels so small, and being quarantined sets up a feeling of even more disconnect, and helplessness. I know this sounds like such a positive set-up, but I wouldn’t leave it hanging there.

I had to step back; I had to walk my talk today. I meditated it helped, but I needed more. I reconnected to my body. My body exists right here; right now. It is telling me everything is ok. My body needed to destress. It needs some care and rest because the stress is tiring. I decided to unplug; I listened to music, I set up some appointments for my self-care. I took a walk. I used some great smelling bath soap. I controlled the things I could control.

My body is always right here for me in the moment. In this moment I am OK. I have everything I need, and that has been 100% true even when I didn’t know it. I can breathe. I can connect to that and ground into that and feel safe. The anxiety a thought a way, but if I reconnect to my body’s intuition and focus on that next right thing, I can keep moving through it.